Your smartphone is a pain in the neck
Year 2012, and humans are able to send messages instantly, watch videos without a hassle, and browse the web anywhere at anytime made possible by one device, the smartphone. "Your smartphone is a pain in the neck" by Jacque Wilson proves to readers that with the advantages of this useful device follows negative effects to one's body. Wilson emphasizes her voice with various rhetoric techniques including imagery, detail, and diction.
Wilson opens up the article in a casual tone reaching out to the audience. It's hard to avoid checking your own posture while reading her guesses,"Chances are you're reading this while leaning over a table or slumped back in a chair. Your head is tilted forward; your shoulders are curved.If you're on a mobile device, your arms are bent by your side and your back hunch is even more profound," truth be told, she was right. Imagery pertains to a technique writers use evoking the five senses providing sensory perceptions. This one specifically refers to visual imagery to prove how much these postures can lead to damage. Imagery is displayed again towards the end when Wilson brings up Dr. Collie's tip on good smartphone use posture, "Keep your feet flat on the floor, roll your shoulders back and keep your ears directly over them so your head isn't tilted forward," similar to the introduction."
Detail can be concrete or abstract; it could be honorific or pejorative. One extra adjective can change the whole phrase. Wilson uses detail throughout her article by being precise with her words. "The average human head weighs 10 pounds in a neutral position -- when your ears are over your shoulders," according to Wilson, the pressure on your spine double with this position. By no means does she put the weight of a human head just for the sake of it. This is a concrete detail that makes the story factual. So, what can this cause? "A lack of oxygenated blood flowing through the body can potentially lead to vascular disease. And gastrointestinal problems can be caused by pressure placed on the organs in a bad posture," what kind of blood? what kind of disease? these are are specific details provided by Wilson.
Even though detail and imagery seems fairly similar, diction is something unique about the writers tone; it's their choice of words. As mentioned before, Wilson has a casual/ informal tone; readers can relate to her article because of her colloquial diction, "So what's an iPad-cradling, smartphone-texting, laptop-loving guy or gal to do?" As much as these electronics are used, people come up with slang nick names for them. Wilson does not hesitate to use these. Not only is her slang language emphasized, but the way she rhetorically questions her readers and assumes the answer is part of her diction. It only makes the writing more casual than appeared.
Jacque Wilson does a phenomenal job of using diction, imagery and detailed all weaved within her article. It doesn't exert any forceful tone and her techniques contribute to the flow. With her choice of words, visual context, and detailed language, it persuades readers to follow through and watch their postures.
You do a really good job of incorporating examples and quotes into your essay. I noticed some passive voice ("these are specific details provided by Wilson") but other than that you did a nice job. Try to avoid defining the words "diction", "detail" and "imagery," because I think Ms. Holmes already knows what they mean. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Gloria!
ReplyDeleteI found your close readign to be very informative. i really like how you opened each paragrah with a definition of your cliam (diction, imagery, and detail) instead of assuming the reader is an AP student. Your quotes are welll chosen but I feel like they could have been shortened so as to enance the reader's interest. Overall i think you did a very good job and it is clear that you understood the assignment.
I think that you could have added more text to support your point about diction. This is so that it doesn't look like you are just choosing parts of the essay that agree with you (i.e. taking things out of context). You could've excluded definitions of the DIDLS (such as your definition of imagery), as we can assume the reader knows what it is.
ReplyDeleteYour essay itself was concise, and kept from straying too far from the points you made. By staying on-focus and on-topic, and by adding evidence to support your claims, your essay is well-made. Some additional evidence is to be desired, but still -- great essay.